dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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