used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
