did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
