forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
