Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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