We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
