i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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