Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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