1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
