i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
