Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
