She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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