I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
