Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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