Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
