You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
