I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
