dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
