Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
