Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So many bounce houses so little time
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
