So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
