Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
