She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
