We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
