I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sext me about skeletons
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
