In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
