Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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