When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
