I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
