I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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