My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
