I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
only you would photoshop your dick
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
