Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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