Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
