Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
