she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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