I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
