I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
