dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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