So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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