Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
