remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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