i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
