You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
