Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
