dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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