You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
