I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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