...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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