i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
